i can’t stand pretending to be nice, patient, friendly and strong all the time

It’s a sudden idea that I want a blog. I want to write down something, and say whatever I want.

It  has been a long time since i write. I write a lot in public platform to share my thoughts with my friends in high school. Then just one article throughout the four years in college. Now I don’t want to share any of my idea. I just want to keep them as my secrets and don’t like it to be explored. But i do write a few words of my daily feeling in weibo.. barely in RENREN. I feel like that I am becoming  more and more introvert. Not actual introvert, I am still passion and active outside, but there are more and more which I’d like to keep to myself. I’m not the person who would say what she likes and don’t like directly. Is it mature? or just I become sophisticated?

Sometimes it do feels funny that I agree with some ideas which I hate so much deep inside. Why do I do this? I cannot help with that. Everything is so fragile. Everyone, every relationship among friends and lovers. I just cannot say my real thinking. What i can do is keeping agree with everyone else, so that I can be one of the group, one of their friends who are the same with each other. How pathetic!

Anyway, now I am here. I am really glad that i can have such a place to say whatever I want. I don’t need pretend to be nice, friendly, patient and strong. I can cry here. I can be mean and be small.Nobody knows me. nobody cares. I don’t want to link with my other social networks and be known by my friends. Probably someone would read all the blogs I wrote and understand all the trivial emotions I had in the future. Or maybe we can be friends. Real friends with no masks.

 

Photo 13-5-18 16 42 54

Advertisements