Accidentally I saw my students evaluation last semester. I am hurt, really, although it happened half a year ago. Many of them said that I was not helpful, not willing to help and avoided talking. A big part of this is my English: it’s not that good. Being a TA a challenge for me. not only speaking English, teaching them is a challenge. I think I’ve tried my best. I helped them patiently as much as I can, although they were incredible stupid most of the time. But I took it, and I believed that they like me and we were friends. It turns out not the case. Their comments just hurt, especially one of them said I would say yes no matter what they answered, since I didn’t understand and tried to avoid talking. To be honest, I dont understand what they are talking about some times, and it is so embarrass. English is not my first language, and I am here just less than a year. I must be genius if I can speak English as fluently as they do who speak this language for 20 years. I would appreciate it if they understand, and I can’t complain if they don’t. Because they are kids as freshmen and I am the TA who suppose to be more educated and better in all aspects.
Anyway, that’s my first experience as a TA. Although I thought I’d been a nice TA, my kids didn’t think so. And now I almost finish my second semester being a TA. I felt that I should be much better this time, both my English and teaching. I want to know what would they say this time. Like the last time, I still feel like that we are friends. AHHHH, my language, it bothers me so much. For many time, I admire people who speak fluent English, no, jealous! Especially ABCs! I think it would be so nice to speak English so well, know their culture, know Americans’ daily life and be friends with them. I tried hard but still far aways from that stage. We Chinese here, as foreigners, stay in our group always. We can hardly actually join them. It’s easy to understand. We’ve no idea how they grow up, which cartoon they used to watch, which films they like the most and what’s their habit. They dont know ours either. We can talk, make fun of each other and have group works together, but we can nerver be truly friends who would discuss deeper issues. Maybe it’s too radical to say so, but it is hard as far as I see.